The first journey a men undertakes is from Boyhood to Manhood. We associate Manhood with presence, integrity, authenticity, having meaning and purpose (mission), owning your shadows, mastery, understanding sexuality and becoming sovereign beings. Many teachings apply the male archetype qualities of Warrior, Lover, Magician and King.
The second journey is the passage from Man to Essence. Here the outer world becomes less of a focus as the awareness turns inward to find the deep masculine, deep connection to the divine within. A man’s first reference point to what masculinity stands for depends strongly on the culture, family and society he grew up in. His first role model on what it means to be a man is always his father or any other (first) male caregiver in his life.
In a society, where male sexuality is often about performance, men often feel a lot of pressure around sex. Ergo, there is fear of rejection & inadequacy. Some also neglect to further educate themselves or talk about issues, when they arise.
As a result they can suffer erectile dysfunctions, premature ejaculation, loss of libido and emotional avoidance amongst others. These are often psychological consequences of their inner state that affect their sexual desire & interest. Also physiological issues can cause psychological issues too.
(*There are many reasons, but I am focusing on the psychological aspects)
How can you best communicate this uncomfortable situation with your partner?
Before opening up, first check within yourself. (Should there be medical issues, consult a doctor)
With a psychological concern, ask yourself what is really going on within you. What are the internal conversations that are directly affecting your excitement and arousal state? Is it an outside influence such as medication, survival stress? Perhaps intimacy issues or relationship issues? Or is it an inside perceived state of worry and pressure you can not keep up with?
When you get clear on the above, bring your partner into the conversation. There is no way she can ignore these issues as they will be obvious, so it’s crucial to not shut her out and make this a priority, if the relationship is important to you.
Keep the conversation out of the “threatening” or “blaming” zone, but rather have an honest and open hearted talk. As the woman who loves you, she will listen, be grateful that you opened up to her and work through this together with you – not against you!
And if she doesn’t, perhaps you need to reconsider the woman you are with.
Much love,
Ani
