Why needing someone is natural!

The wise Zen teachings say: “Need nothing, and you will receive everything”. But how easy is this to apply in our daily lives? They hold so much truth, but do they maybe go against our real nature or have we just confused what it really means to “need” someone?

Though many hate to admit it, we human beings are a pretty needy bunch.

We need to know we’re loved. That we belong.

That we’re seen, supported and safe.

Yet, most of us resist letting others know how much we depend on their love because we don’t wish to appear “too needy.”

We easily confuse neediness with having appropriate needs.

THE DIFFERENCE IS:

When you’re needy, you’re identified with a younger part of you that’s emotionally stuck in a lie.

Emotionally, you’re a two-year-old, terrified no one will ever love you or show up for you.

Or you’re twelve and filled with the shameful understanding that you’re not enough.

When overly identified with these wounded parts of us, we’ll pull on others desperately to try to fix something that can’t really be fixed. Because one can’t really fix a lie. One can only disappear it with the truth.

And because desperation is so wildly unattractive, we have learned to hide our needs entirely.

Especially independent and strong Women are becoming totally self-sufficient and trying hard to not need anyone for anything.

Let me tell you why that’s a problem.

Emotional bonding happens when

we can feel how much we need each other

to be well and healthy in life.

When we allow others to see that we actually do need them-for love, safety, co-creativity and mutual support, it inspires people to want to move closer toward us.

Human bonds form because we need one another (in an interdependent way)! 

Much love,

Ani